Two minutes.  That’s 6 seconds more than the average U.S. citizen spends on any given website.  Two minutes. 120 heartbeats from the moment your client saunters into your virtual store to the time she glides away, never to be seen again.  24 breaths that could mean the difference between taking your family out for a night on the town, or filing for bankruptcy.  Two minutes that can change your life forever.

Great greasy gobs of gopher guts, doesn’t that sound earth-shatteringly significant?  It’s a wonder you haven’t run screaming for the hills.  The point is, what you have to say to those potential customers is nowhere near as important as HOW YOU SAY IT.  That’s where I come in.

There are countless courses and self-appointed specialists that merrily proclaim that expensive copywriters and editors are overpaid and unnecessary. As an avowed Do-It-Yourself-er, believe me when I say I know where you’re coming from. In this uncertain economy, I understand the temptation to save a few bucks by bludgeoning your keyboard and shoehorning all the right keywords onto a ready-made layout so you can get back to the business of running your business. HOWEVER, you’ve worked WAY too hard up to this point to let a misplaced punctuation mark blow your chance to break into the next tax bracket because your potential client believes you’re unprofessional.

We both know nothing could be further from the truth.

Here at Not the Messiah, I offer a variety of copywriting and copyediting services to make damned certain you look like an angel online, NOT an asshole. My work isn’t done until you are thoroughly satisfied.

Are you ready to get started?  


Whatever your needs, you can rest assured your site’s salvation is a just a squeeze of your mouse button away.  But you don’t have to take my word for it:

“All right Brian, you’ve piqued my interest. You’ve bought yourself another 60 seconds of my VERY valuable time.  How in blazes do I know you’re not some con artist out to bleed me and my business dry?”

That’s an excellent question, and if you’re not asking it of everyone you’re getting bids from, YOU SHOULD BE! After all, your time and money is far too valuable to waste on just ANYONE, right?

As you have probably already guessed, I’m Brian–hi!–and I specialize in spelunking far beyond the ordinary.  I delve deeply into the darkest caverns of your customer’s minds to shine a light on what startles them clammily, heart-poundingly awake in the dead of night so you can soothe their souls and save your sales.

I’m unapologetically, unabashedly, undeniably in love with language. I’m obsessed with the delicious symphony of syllables and salsa of sentences, and because of my obsession, I can and will create content that you haven’t heard or seen anywhere else.  Your business is in a class by itself; shouldn’t your website be just as remarkable?

Ashley Ambirge--The Middle Finger Project


(Don’t worry, I don’t bite–hard.)

P.S.  Thank you so much for taking the time to get to know me a little better.  I can’t wait to work with you!


Let’s do this!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *